What I'm Reading (and what's on my mind)

I've hit writer's block I think.
I'm having trouble getting going on my book, journaling, blogging AND even speaking/communicating to some extent.

Thought I'd atleast show my face and share what I'm currently sticking my nose in.

Finishing the last couple chapters of How Can I Talk If My Lips Don't Move: inside my autistic mind by Tito Rajarshi Mukhapadhyay. In the first couple chapters of Woman Thou Art Loosed! by T.D. Jakes and thinking I need to finally dive into one of the books I was sent last month to review before I run out of time on it.

The last few weeks have been kind of crazy in my personal life. A LOT of retrospection, introspection, decision making and emotions.

I'm exhausted. Happy-ish, but drained at the same time.

*sigh*

Blessed Assurance: A Woman's Desires

I haven't met any women in my life that at some point haven't wrestled with disappointment, let-downs, abandonment, limitations or disillusionment. I know I have. As little girls, we dreamt of fairytales and happily ever after. Then reality smacked us upside the head when we had our hearts broken for the first time.

I'm going to write this from my heart, though I know most women who read this will be reading it as though they are their own words ;)

I've always been after the "Cinderella" experience.
I want to rise from my past, be the beauty from ashes.
I want to love myself.
I want to be loved.
I want to feel wanted and loved unconditionally.
I want to be appreciated and respected.
I long for intimacy, affirmation, validation, acceptance and a sense of worth.
I want someone to see through to my hidden inner beauty.

Often, I forget that I HAVE that already. No human could ever love me in the perfect way that my Father does but it somehow never stops me from desiring that love to be reflected by someone in the flesh.

When I do remember it... the feeling that washes over me is too amazing for words. To feel in those moments so secure in who and whose I am... love.

I am in a real-life fairytale. The best kind, where there is no happy ending, but a happy eternity. The KING gives me dignity, worth, beauty, peace, purpose and unconditional, undying love.

5 Days of Refocus: An All Week Long Updated Post

Realized this weekend that I had begun to lose sight of the woman I had become and found myself slipping back into some old thought patterns.
Decided I needed to take this week and regroup and recover a little.

Day 1: Struggle. Strength. Standards.

Struggling with some self-doubt, concern about some decisions I'm making and what moves to make. My personality makes me easy to give up, quit, let go of things. I need more strength.
One thing I need to definitely hold on to are the standards I had established for myself, my life, my relationships... I know who I am, know my heart and I'm going to really try to hold tight to the ideals I prayed so hard about months ago.



I challenge you to join me the next four days. Monday's gone but you can do four days of refocus. ;)

Just stop and really analyze your life right now. Are you feeling disconnected to God, yourself, disconnected in relationships...? It's definitely time to hit the pause button and pray and think about what's causing that if you are.



Day 2:  Lazy With A Purpose


Purposefully lazy. Intentionally resting, vegging out, letting myself just do what I felt like doing and nothing more. Nothing else to say about that. It is what it is.



Day 3: Organization, Order, Oops

Really starting to have my eyes open to where I made some mistakes that caused me to slip back into some old, bad habits. Trying to sort out all of my thoughts. Go back to square one of brokenness and to that raw place right before I began to rebuild my life. I made some strong decisions and strong goals that I have definitely let slip a little lately. Tonight and tomorrow I'm going to try to figure out how I can back track just enough to get back to where I need to be without causing too much disruption.


Day 4: Broken

Then everything comes to surface and spills out into a beautifully chaotic mess.


Day 5: Hope and Healing

FINALLY reading Woman Thou Art Loosed! by T.D. Jakes and, wow, gaining some insight and comfort I needed a WHILE ago! I'm feeling like I'm beginning to see things correctly again. This is going to be more than a one week/five day journey at this point but I know my God makes beauty from ashes, I know He made some wonderful changes in my life in a short time before so I'm believing for it and ready to take this challenge.

*sigh*

It's crazy to feel this exhausted AND this refreshed at the same time.

Weary? Rest.

I'm writing to myself today.
Reminding myself of the cure for my weariness.

If you are feeling tired, broken, weary, exhausted, heavy... I hope it will help you as well.

Thirsty? Living water.

Hungry? Communion.

Tired? Rest in the Prince of Peace.

Sick? Call upon the Healer.

Confused? Seek His guidance.

Transparency

The word is being used more and more these days. I think, in my humble opinion, that so many people are tired of being burnt and betrayed and are craving more honesty in their lives.
I've been asked recently what it means to be or live transparently. Decided it'd make a good blog post.
Wikipedia says : Transparency is operating in such a way that it is easy for others to see what actions are performed. It has been defined simply as "the perceived quality of intentionally shared information from a sender".
Merriam-Webster says:
Full Definition of TRANSPARENT
1
a (1) :  having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly :  pellucid (2) :  allowing the passage of a specified form of radiation (as X-rays or ultraviolet light)
b :  fine or sheer enough to be seen through :  diaphanous
2
a :  free from pretense or deceit :  frank
b :  easily detected or seen through :  obvious
c :  readily understood
d :  characterized by visibility or accessibility of information especially concerning business practices

How can you be more transparent?

1. Express yourself without smoke screens, blinds, pretensions, so that you are not pretending or putting on a show.
2. Freely share about yourself and your feelings.
3. Be open and obvious about your thoughts.
4. Don't throw stones unless you want it to boomerang back into your face.
5. Learn from mistakes and treat every moment as a learning opportunity.
6. Don't change but DO GROW.

Strength in Weakness : A Transparent Tuesday Post

I was all set up and ready to accept defeat.
I had one of the worst nights I have had in about a month last night. For a few weeks, I've managed to have minimal panic attacks and I have been able to push my way out of the "comfort zone" and enjoy more activity. It's been phenomenal. However, it's also caused me to be a little more careless with my health. I've made a few unwise choices and I think it's gotten it's effect on my body now.
It started with chest pain.
Had to rationalize it... "It's on my right not my left. I have eaten foods that cause gas pains today. It's not a heart attack, it's most likely gas or tension, worst case maybe my gallbladder. You're okay, Sarah, this will pass."
Maybe because I got worked up about it... maybe because I was so tired... maybe for some other reason, I began having palpitations. Bad case of them. Threw me into a very scary attack.
I prayed. I paced. I tried distracting myself. I prayed. I paced. I woke my mom up. I prayed. I paced. I showered. Eventually, about five hours into it all, I finally just crashed.
This morning I think I found some clarity in the mess, some strength in the weakness, some beauty in the chaos.
By God's grace, I lived through that. By His mercy and comfort, I pulled through and finally rested.
Even though I had to wake my mom up just to have someone awake and sitting up as I showered and tried to calm myself, even though I reached out on social media to friends and messaged my sleeping boyfriend, I spent more of the time praying and letting my petitions AND thanksgivings be known to my Father. That's growth for me.

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy....
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings."
Psalm 61:1-4

Of course, it makes perfect sense that an anxiety and panic attack of that magnitude would slam into me right now! Things have been going great and spiritual warfare rages when you find happiness and comfort. Nuh-uh, not this time, though! Not gonna let it win. When is evil being beaten? Not usually when we feel happy and confident, when it looks like wonderful things are happening. No, I feel evil is being defeated when we are feeling attacked and under the gun, when we feel weak and helpless and do not know what to do, when we are not sure how to respond, when in our weakness we cry out to God and plead with Him for strength to move the mountain.

Friday Freebie! Free Printable.

Just a goodie, you can print, save, share, do whatever with.
Enjoy. ;)
(p.s.) "click here" on picture will not work- it's there for pinterest reasons (totally pin this btw kthanks!), the link will be right below the thumbnail.

DOWNLOAD HERE

Lean Body Fat Wallet - Book Review

I like non-fiction, self-help, motivational books like this. I like them even better when the writers begin with completely authentic, honest revelations about their own lives and struggles. Just makes me trust them a little more, ya know?

Lean Body Fat Wallet contains a wealth of assessment tools, charts, tips and tricks to whip you into shape. It is broken up into two parts. Problem identification is a big part of the first half and the solutions are offered in the second. Straightforward, to the point but with tons of expounded information.


I would recommend this to anyone struggling with ANY bad habits, not just weight loss or finances! These rules and helps could be applied to a plethora of subjects and, in my humble opinion, have dynamite results! I can't wait to start putting some of the information and lessons I learned in this book to good use.



I received this book for free to review but this is my honest opinion of it. For more information, see my disclosure/policy page.

WAHM Wednesday - Yours Truly!

Time for the monthly WAHM Wednesday post and I haven't heard back from the person I'd planned to feature so... ya get ME!

Thrilled, right?

Okay, so I'm not going to all out interview myself, because that seems borderline creepy.

I pretty much HAVE to be a WAHM. I have panic and anxiety problems that prevent me from working outside the home. No fun and I could whine about it and just not even try at all... but... I just have to do what I can and trust God to provide for us!

My WAHM Ventures:

This Blog. - and if you like my blog and would consider helping a sistah out, ask me about advertising!

Handcrafted Jewelery - which I will probably start posting more about soon.

PTC stuff and Swagbucks - hey, a penny earned is a penny earned!

Aaaaand, now I'm hoping to possibly get into Origami Owl. I'm having a jewelry bar online right now and hoping to use it as a launch pad for me to start up. If ya wanna support me in that... SHOP HERE!

Modern Modesty?

It's COLD today.
However, there have already been a few sunny, warm days letting me know that Spring has began to show it's face.
That brings up a big concern for me. I thought about my bag of stowed away summer clothes . Seriously, TONS of summer dresses with daringly low dipping necklines, snug empire waists that serve the purpose of accentuating two of my larger features. I used to be of the thinking that I should "work what I got" but through the growth I've gone through recently I now wish to keep those "top shelf features" covered up.
Obviously, Southern summer heat requires some extra skin to be shown but how far is too far (or how low is too low)? I'm not a knock-out by far but I am street-smart enough to know that my cleavage could cause a stumbling block distraction for my Christian brothers. So what do I do about a summer wardrobe now, with all of these pretty dresses with their distracting necklines?
The off-the-rack choices for us... well, leaves few options for those of us choosing to be a little more careful. I'm losing weight and wanting to accentuate and be proud of my feminine body but I do NOT want to be irresponsible either.
I found a few pinterest boards with fashion ideas (love it! 1 2 3) but with no steady income, it's unlikely I could emulate those fashions with what I have to work with. *frustration sets in momentarily*
I'm totally open to advice in the comments (*hint hint*) and if you've posted a blog about this before and want to share it please let me know. If I can figure this dilemma out there may be a part two to this. ;)