Lies

Lies, attacks, fiery darts of negativity and deception have been thrown at me left and right for awhile now. I began to believe those lies and forgot who I am, what I am and where I'm going. Got a fresh breath last night. Already, only an hour or so after, doubt and fear began to resurface. I wrestled all night with it in what I can only describe as a spiritual battle of epic proportions. Once I finally got some sleep, the war was still raging on keeping me from resting well. When I woke up this morning, I made the wrong move of checking my phone and Facebook before grabbing my Bible and I felt the war begin again. I'm stomping and squashing that NOW. Truth.

"The truth is... " may be a new thing for me. 

The truth is... I am NOT crazy. The truth is.... I am worth dying for. The truth is... only HE can provide my healing and only HE can provide the security and love I desire.

Another Chance

I haven't blogged in awhile, obviously. I have an addictive personality. That means for me, that sometimes I go hard at things that interest me and then, when something else catches my eye, I sometimes tend to drop one thing and go after another. 

Had a little reality smack.

I thought I was just having back pain or a kidney stone but apparently I was quite sick. Two emergency surgeries and a week vacation at the hospital later, here I sit, tubes coming out of me, frustration mixed with thankfulness in the strangest brew welling up, not much to do but think way too much.

There's a reason for this, I'm sure of that. 

Must-Read Blog Posts - These Posts Made Me Smile, Cry or Laugh.

With not much sleep and a TON on my brain right now, I'm having trouble sorting out my thoughts to type out in an orderly fashion. So, I don't think it's a great idea for me to publish anything I've drafted so far until I have a little more clarity on it. I decided I needed to be a READER today. Hit up bloglovin' and see what everyone else has to say. So glad I did. A zillion clicks later, many blogs read, tears shed and I bring you...

Holy Makeover - Girl Power! 

on essential thing devotions.

O God, thy sea is so great and my boat is so small… 

on Hope in the Healing

Becoming Mrs. Right 

on Bless Your Heart and Home

Falling In Love... with myself.

Self-esteem and confidence have always been a struggle for me. I was the quintessential funny fat girl all my life. Still am. I was always okay with settling for that but over the last year, as my life has changed drastically, I have yearned for more. More love, more respect, more sincerity... more out of life.
So, while I'm thinking about that two song lyrics pop into my head. "If you're gonna start somewhere why not here? If you're gonna start sometime why not now?" and "Unapologetically... I wanna leave a legacy..." and here I am, sitting on this computer typing away unexpectedly.

I think it might do me some good to make a list of why I should love myself. A list of my positive attributes, my favorite things about myself and what makes me an awesome chick-a-dee.

1. I want to grow and learn, always.
2. I take interest in what the people I care about are interested in.
3. I'm a good mommy. I've got this beautiful, healthy, brilliant daughter that rarely gets in trouble, brings home excellent grades, loves and trusts with all of her heart and has more wisdom than many adults do. I must have done *something* right in my years of parenting her.
4. God loves me, duh. That should be reason enough to love me.
5. I admit when I was wrong about something, apologize when I've wronged someone and am open about my flaws. Transparency deserves respect!

That list really should be longer, ya know? Maybe in time it will grow.

What I do know is that it's enough for me to stop the cycle of self-sabotage and settling now and start living more courageously and loving myself.

The Tornado Within : Self Sabotage

A #transparenttuesday post.

I was halfway through writing a completely different post this afternoon about self-love and well, it's been tabled. Just couldn't complete it. Hey, it's Transparent Tuesday, right?! Might as well go with being real, huh? Real for me today is low, feeling like a complete idiot, a downright mess. So, that's what you're getting.
Fortunately, in some of my research for this post I found some "light at the end of the tunnel" stuffs so maybe I'll feel better and learn as I write. ;)

From Psychology Today: "Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating in the face of weight concerns, and self-injury such as cutting. These acts may seem helpful in the moment, but ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly."

Basically, in so many words, you can be your own worst enemy. Yes, yes I can.

From Psych Alive: "The critical inner voice doesn’t represent a positive sense of self that you can entrust in. Rather, it epitomizes a cruel “anti-self,” a part inside us that is turned against us. It casts doubt on our abilities, undermines our desires, and convinces us to be paranoid and suspicious toward ourselves and those close to us. This anti-self fills our mind with critical self-analysis and self-sabotaging thoughts that lead us to hold back or steer away from our true goals."

Boom. Wow.

Yeah, but how do you from understanding and knowing that to stopping it? That's kind of where I have been stuck at for quite some time. Okay, I see this happening, I see the patterns forming but what do I do? So, here's some of the ideas I'm gathering (and I hope that they will help you if you are stuck in this rut also, and I do ask for prayers as I start trying to work these out).

1. Identify Triggers. Retrace steps, find the root of the very first negative thought. You can't solve a problem without getting to the very deep beginning core of it.

2. Swap It Out. Decide on a positive thought you can immediately counter-act any doubts with.

3. Partner Up. Pick a person that you trust not to judge you or condemn you when you have moments of weakness or slip ups but will instead gently remind you of what you SHOULD be thinking about.

4. Stay Focused. Idle minds, ya know. ;)

5. Don't Throw The Baby Out With The Bathwater. Don't throw it all away over a mistake or two. Clean the situation up, pull the weeds, strain the water, but do NOT give up.

What I'm Reading (and what's on my mind)

I've hit writer's block I think.
I'm having trouble getting going on my book, journaling, blogging AND even speaking/communicating to some extent.

Thought I'd atleast show my face and share what I'm currently sticking my nose in.

Finishing the last couple chapters of How Can I Talk If My Lips Don't Move: inside my autistic mind by Tito Rajarshi Mukhapadhyay. In the first couple chapters of Woman Thou Art Loosed! by T.D. Jakes and thinking I need to finally dive into one of the books I was sent last month to review before I run out of time on it.

The last few weeks have been kind of crazy in my personal life. A LOT of retrospection, introspection, decision making and emotions.

I'm exhausted. Happy-ish, but drained at the same time.

*sigh*

Blessed Assurance: A Woman's Desires

I haven't met any women in my life that at some point haven't wrestled with disappointment, let-downs, abandonment, limitations or disillusionment. I know I have. As little girls, we dreamt of fairytales and happily ever after. Then reality smacked us upside the head when we had our hearts broken for the first time.

I'm going to write this from my heart, though I know most women who read this will be reading it as though they are their own words ;)

I've always been after the "Cinderella" experience.
I want to rise from my past, be the beauty from ashes.
I want to love myself.
I want to be loved.
I want to feel wanted and loved unconditionally.
I want to be appreciated and respected.
I long for intimacy, affirmation, validation, acceptance and a sense of worth.
I want someone to see through to my hidden inner beauty.

Often, I forget that I HAVE that already. No human could ever love me in the perfect way that my Father does but it somehow never stops me from desiring that love to be reflected by someone in the flesh.

When I do remember it... the feeling that washes over me is too amazing for words. To feel in those moments so secure in who and whose I am... love.

I am in a real-life fairytale. The best kind, where there is no happy ending, but a happy eternity. The KING gives me dignity, worth, beauty, peace, purpose and unconditional, undying love.

5 Days of Refocus: An All Week Long Updated Post

Realized this weekend that I had begun to lose sight of the woman I had become and found myself slipping back into some old thought patterns.
Decided I needed to take this week and regroup and recover a little.

Day 1: Struggle. Strength. Standards.

Struggling with some self-doubt, concern about some decisions I'm making and what moves to make. My personality makes me easy to give up, quit, let go of things. I need more strength.
One thing I need to definitely hold on to are the standards I had established for myself, my life, my relationships... I know who I am, know my heart and I'm going to really try to hold tight to the ideals I prayed so hard about months ago.



I challenge you to join me the next four days. Monday's gone but you can do four days of refocus. ;)

Just stop and really analyze your life right now. Are you feeling disconnected to God, yourself, disconnected in relationships...? It's definitely time to hit the pause button and pray and think about what's causing that if you are.



Day 2:  Lazy With A Purpose


Purposefully lazy. Intentionally resting, vegging out, letting myself just do what I felt like doing and nothing more. Nothing else to say about that. It is what it is.



Day 3: Organization, Order, Oops

Really starting to have my eyes open to where I made some mistakes that caused me to slip back into some old, bad habits. Trying to sort out all of my thoughts. Go back to square one of brokenness and to that raw place right before I began to rebuild my life. I made some strong decisions and strong goals that I have definitely let slip a little lately. Tonight and tomorrow I'm going to try to figure out how I can back track just enough to get back to where I need to be without causing too much disruption.


Day 4: Broken

Then everything comes to surface and spills out into a beautifully chaotic mess.


Day 5: Hope and Healing

FINALLY reading Woman Thou Art Loosed! by T.D. Jakes and, wow, gaining some insight and comfort I needed a WHILE ago! I'm feeling like I'm beginning to see things correctly again. This is going to be more than a one week/five day journey at this point but I know my God makes beauty from ashes, I know He made some wonderful changes in my life in a short time before so I'm believing for it and ready to take this challenge.

*sigh*

It's crazy to feel this exhausted AND this refreshed at the same time.

Weary? Rest.

I'm writing to myself today.
Reminding myself of the cure for my weariness.

If you are feeling tired, broken, weary, exhausted, heavy... I hope it will help you as well.

Thirsty? Living water.

Hungry? Communion.

Tired? Rest in the Prince of Peace.

Sick? Call upon the Healer.

Confused? Seek His guidance.

Transparency

The word is being used more and more these days. I think, in my humble opinion, that so many people are tired of being burnt and betrayed and are craving more honesty in their lives.
I've been asked recently what it means to be or live transparently. Decided it'd make a good blog post.
Wikipedia says : Transparency is operating in such a way that it is easy for others to see what actions are performed. It has been defined simply as "the perceived quality of intentionally shared information from a sender".
Merriam-Webster says:
Full Definition of TRANSPARENT
1
a (1) :  having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly :  pellucid (2) :  allowing the passage of a specified form of radiation (as X-rays or ultraviolet light)
b :  fine or sheer enough to be seen through :  diaphanous
2
a :  free from pretense or deceit :  frank
b :  easily detected or seen through :  obvious
c :  readily understood
d :  characterized by visibility or accessibility of information especially concerning business practices

How can you be more transparent?

1. Express yourself without smoke screens, blinds, pretensions, so that you are not pretending or putting on a show.
2. Freely share about yourself and your feelings.
3. Be open and obvious about your thoughts.
4. Don't throw stones unless you want it to boomerang back into your face.
5. Learn from mistakes and treat every moment as a learning opportunity.
6. Don't change but DO GROW.

Strength in Weakness : A Transparent Tuesday Post

I was all set up and ready to accept defeat.
I had one of the worst nights I have had in about a month last night. For a few weeks, I've managed to have minimal panic attacks and I have been able to push my way out of the "comfort zone" and enjoy more activity. It's been phenomenal. However, it's also caused me to be a little more careless with my health. I've made a few unwise choices and I think it's gotten it's effect on my body now.
It started with chest pain.
Had to rationalize it... "It's on my right not my left. I have eaten foods that cause gas pains today. It's not a heart attack, it's most likely gas or tension, worst case maybe my gallbladder. You're okay, Sarah, this will pass."
Maybe because I got worked up about it... maybe because I was so tired... maybe for some other reason, I began having palpitations. Bad case of them. Threw me into a very scary attack.
I prayed. I paced. I tried distracting myself. I prayed. I paced. I woke my mom up. I prayed. I paced. I showered. Eventually, about five hours into it all, I finally just crashed.
This morning I think I found some clarity in the mess, some strength in the weakness, some beauty in the chaos.
By God's grace, I lived through that. By His mercy and comfort, I pulled through and finally rested.
Even though I had to wake my mom up just to have someone awake and sitting up as I showered and tried to calm myself, even though I reached out on social media to friends and messaged my sleeping boyfriend, I spent more of the time praying and letting my petitions AND thanksgivings be known to my Father. That's growth for me.

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy....
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings."
Psalm 61:1-4

Of course, it makes perfect sense that an anxiety and panic attack of that magnitude would slam into me right now! Things have been going great and spiritual warfare rages when you find happiness and comfort. Nuh-uh, not this time, though! Not gonna let it win. When is evil being beaten? Not usually when we feel happy and confident, when it looks like wonderful things are happening. No, I feel evil is being defeated when we are feeling attacked and under the gun, when we feel weak and helpless and do not know what to do, when we are not sure how to respond, when in our weakness we cry out to God and plead with Him for strength to move the mountain.

Friday Freebie! Free Printable.

Just a goodie, you can print, save, share, do whatever with.
Enjoy. ;)
(p.s.) "click here" on picture will not work- it's there for pinterest reasons (totally pin this btw kthanks!), the link will be right below the thumbnail.

DOWNLOAD HERE

Lean Body Fat Wallet - Book Review

I like non-fiction, self-help, motivational books like this. I like them even better when the writers begin with completely authentic, honest revelations about their own lives and struggles. Just makes me trust them a little more, ya know?

Lean Body Fat Wallet contains a wealth of assessment tools, charts, tips and tricks to whip you into shape. It is broken up into two parts. Problem identification is a big part of the first half and the solutions are offered in the second. Straightforward, to the point but with tons of expounded information.


I would recommend this to anyone struggling with ANY bad habits, not just weight loss or finances! These rules and helps could be applied to a plethora of subjects and, in my humble opinion, have dynamite results! I can't wait to start putting some of the information and lessons I learned in this book to good use.



I received this book for free to review but this is my honest opinion of it. For more information, see my disclosure/policy page.

WAHM Wednesday - Yours Truly!

Time for the monthly WAHM Wednesday post and I haven't heard back from the person I'd planned to feature so... ya get ME!

Thrilled, right?

Okay, so I'm not going to all out interview myself, because that seems borderline creepy.

I pretty much HAVE to be a WAHM. I have panic and anxiety problems that prevent me from working outside the home. No fun and I could whine about it and just not even try at all... but... I just have to do what I can and trust God to provide for us!

My WAHM Ventures:

This Blog. - and if you like my blog and would consider helping a sistah out, ask me about advertising!

Handcrafted Jewelery - which I will probably start posting more about soon.

PTC stuff and Swagbucks - hey, a penny earned is a penny earned!

Aaaaand, now I'm hoping to possibly get into Origami Owl. I'm having a jewelry bar online right now and hoping to use it as a launch pad for me to start up. If ya wanna support me in that... SHOP HERE!

Modern Modesty?

It's COLD today.
However, there have already been a few sunny, warm days letting me know that Spring has began to show it's face.
That brings up a big concern for me. I thought about my bag of stowed away summer clothes . Seriously, TONS of summer dresses with daringly low dipping necklines, snug empire waists that serve the purpose of accentuating two of my larger features. I used to be of the thinking that I should "work what I got" but through the growth I've gone through recently I now wish to keep those "top shelf features" covered up.
Obviously, Southern summer heat requires some extra skin to be shown but how far is too far (or how low is too low)? I'm not a knock-out by far but I am street-smart enough to know that my cleavage could cause a stumbling block distraction for my Christian brothers. So what do I do about a summer wardrobe now, with all of these pretty dresses with their distracting necklines?
The off-the-rack choices for us... well, leaves few options for those of us choosing to be a little more careful. I'm losing weight and wanting to accentuate and be proud of my feminine body but I do NOT want to be irresponsible either.
I found a few pinterest boards with fashion ideas (love it! 1 2 3) but with no steady income, it's unlikely I could emulate those fashions with what I have to work with. *frustration sets in momentarily*
I'm totally open to advice in the comments (*hint hint*) and if you've posted a blog about this before and want to share it please let me know. If I can figure this dilemma out there may be a part two to this. ;)

Who Are We?

NEW.

Beautiful new creations.

Whenever we begin to feel like our old habits are creeping back up on us, negative or self-destructive thoughts are coming against us, we need to remember we are NEW. Ask Him to show us how far the east is from the west. How far we've come, how new we are, how different we are. 

I'm so excited looking back, getting ready to celebrate a roller-coaster ride of a year- one year of sobriety, y'all! It's going to be a GREAT weekend, one I can't wait to share about on Monday. 

Here's a little video I made back at New Year's.

Where've I Been? Wednesday. Hahaha.

Took a couple days off from posting. I don't EVER want to post random filler if I don't have something important I want to share or say. Just putting that out there. It wastes both my time and yours. Not saying that I haven't really had anything going on or nothing to say, just want to remind my readers that I'm not going to let this blog become a boring routine because that goes against my mission statement.
Today I'm just going to go over some personal-ish stuff in hopes that it will touch or bring some understanding to at least one person who reads it.


Remember that first date I went on a week and a half ago? Yeah...
<3 Fell in love fast. It's okay, though. We've both done this relationship thing according to the rules, the societal norms before and didn't get it right. We're on God's timing now. It's unbelievably amazing and feels so right. We laugh about how crazy it must look from the outside but with God's design for our lives leading us, we are fine with jumping on in and not wasting each other's time. In exactly two weeks this afternoon, we've spent nearly 21 hours talking on the phone (this does not include the 550+ texts and insane amount of facebook messaging done in the first few days), and more than 40 hours spending time together and getting to know each other. TELL ME, how many couples spend their first few weeks that involved in getting to know the other? We've covered every topic from favorite music/movies to having more children. From favorite foods to what we desire from a spouse. From bad habits/hangups to what we want to spend the rest of our lives doing. It's mind blowing.

The best thing about it is that we have discovered quickly by laying everything on the line like that- we are definitely compatible. Beyond compatible to that "magic-aha-moment" thing you don't even see in movies anymore. Even crazier is that for a little while, we were right under each other's noses and never saw each other or met. Ya know why? It wasn't time. We weren't ready for each other until now. What a mighty God we serve that weaves these pieces of our lives together just right! We were going through seasons in our lives that were preparing us to really appreciate each other. We had to get our focus on Him and really want His will not ours. I could go on and on cuz, ya know, I'm just so happy right now, no scratch happy- I feel so much JOY right now!

In other news... I had a bad enough panic attack at church Sunday that I had to run out again. Immediately I began to beat myself up about it as usual. "They all think I'm a flake.", "I'm never going to be able to get and stay involved.", "Everyone is going to doubt my faith." and I just had to stop myself. It was a MOMENT. I took a baby step back. All I have to do now is try again. As long as I just keep stepping out in faith and trying, I'm doing the right thing.

I hope everyone is having as amazing of a week as I am! :)

The Past Is Just That

I have been through the ringer in my relationships and marriages. I've not been a good partner in the past. I've even gone through time periods where I was not a good mother. I've done horrible things. Resounding theme for the last week has been, however, that the past is just that- the past. I cannot carry those bricks with me. I am not that person. I am in Christ now, a new creature. Old things are passed away and everything has become new. 

In just over a week I will be celebrating not only my 30th birthday but also marking a year of incredible change in my life. In this year, I've become sober and celibate. I've lost 50 lbs and 4 dress sizes. I've begun a closer walk with my Lord, gained clarity and deeper understanding of things and really just become NEW.

It's been worth the struggle, the tears, the pain... to get to this point. It's not over yet, by any means. If you are in what feels like a pressure cooker, a torture chamber, I really just want to encourage you to bear with it and keep going. There is a Light at the end of this tunnel. He's got this. ;)

Unstoppable by Nick Vujicic (an Inspiring Individual)

How could I NOT tie this book review in with my Inspiring Individuals series?!
(The previous ones are here and here.)
This is my first "official-they-sent-me-a-free-book-to-review" review. Ha. What made this so exciting for me is that I LOVE the book, am almost speechlessly excited and inspired and get to even tie this review in with another series! I'd say that gets me off to a good start on reviews. ;)

 I was somehow completely unaware this dude existed before I selected this book, to be honest. Apparently my mom has seen him speak on TV before and was excited when I showed her the book. Really, this book couldn't have made it's way to me at a better time.

This is actually Nick's second book. His first is titled Life without limits. 

There is just so much crammed into this small-ish paperback I could never completely cover it all so I'll just touch on a few things. 

The term "faith in action" sums up the beautiful lesson in the first section of the book. It's a resounding theme to the end as well. "Why me?" Come on, you know you've said that before. I know I have! My disability isn't seen on the outside. You wouldn't know if I didn't tell you but it's crippled my life at times. Those are the times I have cried out to God, asking "why me?". Why NOT me? What good has it done for my life? How can I put that ability into it and use it, allow God to show me the purpose? Man, I'm just so excited about the new revelations that have come to me through obedience last Sunday and now, reading this book.

You can read a sneak peek of the book here. Chapter one already had me re-examining myself. Good stuff, y'all!

Facebook  Book Trailer  More Info  Author Bio

Life Without Limbs website.

I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.

Purpose

I'll start this off by admitting that I should have done a Transparent Tuesday post yesterday. For a good chunk of the day I was one cranky girl. I am happy to report, however, that it didn't last long. I didn't throw anything, turn into the Tasmanian Devil cartoon or make any permanent decisions while in that crabby state. (That's a HUGE difference from how I reacted to things only a year ago.)
Even though life threw a few lemons at me and tried to burst my bubble I was floating high in (see this post) I pulled out of it and had a wonderful evening last night and I am in a great mood today.
I received my first two books to review from publishers yesterday! If you are a blogger, you know what I'm talking about when I say that made me feel just a touch more "official". If you aren't a blogger or a social media influencer, please let me explain. I'm now signed up to receive books from certain publishers in exchange for an honest review on my blog and, in some cases, on other websites like Amazon or Goodreads. They ask you to be honest, not to just gush about loving the book only because you got it for free so that works quite well with my mission statement for this blog. Delivering my humble opinion to you, squarely. Fortunately for all involved, I am able to choose from a few selections of titles available for review so it is unlikely that I'll be sent something that is just absolutely unappealing to me. You can absolutely expect honest and non biased reviews on this blog, so I want you, as my reader, to be able to trust me to be authentic.
I started reading one of them last night and I'm having trouble putting it down for long. I took a break from the other books I am reading to try to get at least one of these review books finished quickly. I'm a bit of a speed reader so I'm pretty sure I'll be done with this one and reviewing it very, very soon. (As in, before tomorrow is out.) What I didn't know when I selected this title is how much it would speak to me in only the first few chapters and how relevant it would be to my life with anxiety and crippling fear. It just goes right along with every thing I am going through right now. I just really love it when things "connect up" like that.
I have a lot of things happening in my life right now that just seem to be like little puzzle pieces connecting. I have been for so long searching for pieces to fill my heart and to bring me contentment- but now that I have God all over that, He's put quite an amazing "puzzle mat" down to hold together all of the new pieces that are coming together.
Making Him the foundation of my happiness is the best thing I've ever done. :)

An Incredible Weekend Recap

I had an incredible, amazing, wonderful, fabulous weekend. My friends and family know that isn't something you would normally hear out of my mouth so, yes, it was indeed that great.
I'm not going to go into huge amounts of detail on some of it but there were some parts I felt I HAD to share on my blog.
I had really been dreading Valentine's Day (or what I was calling Singles Awareness Day) this year but had decided to go about it differently (you can read about that here, where I mentioned the month of praying for your future husband). It ended up being a wonderful day. I had breakfast with my mama and my daughter after waking my sweet princess up to give her gifts. I did pray throughout the day for whoever I was meant to spend the rest of my life with to be safe, make good choices, that he was in relationship with the Lord, among other things. I just stopped what I was doing and prayed about it every so often. I've never felt so productive in my life. <3
So, to touch on that "lovey-dovey" subject for just a minute I thought I'd just insert right here the little fact that I went on a date this weekend for the first time in over a year. I'm glad I waited. I wasn't ready six months ago and I definitely still wasn't ready one month ago. I don't even think I was ready two weeks ago. This weekend, I felt ready. I made a list just before Christmas of what I felt I wanted and needed in a partner. Things I really just didn't want to compromise. Standards, I suppose. I prayed about those standards, wrote them on paper and in my heart and said, "God, I know you'll bring this person to my life when and IF it is your will, not on my searching or time." and gave up the online profile scouring, asking friends to "hook me up" and decided to just stop feeling lonely and be content.
You know how "they" say "when you stop looking for it" or "when you stop trying"? ;)
Ya  know, it's too soon to tell for sure, of course and there are still some things going on that need to be finished up and worked out but... well, it's been an incredible weekend. ;)
I've really gone outside my "comfort zone" this weekend and THAT is where adventure and excitement lie waiting.

So, I have to tell you about the other really big, cool thing that happened this weekend. The church I go to has a ministry called Children of Promise. It's like children's church- for special needs students. I do believe it's the only one I've ever heard of and the only one in our immediate area, although I think it should be MUCH more widespread. I've kind of watched from a distance. Dabbing a tear of joy here and there, offering to do a super easy task at the fall festival, praying for the leaders and the families... but I haven't been obedient.
One Sunday back in the Fall, as they were being dismissed from service I felt this urge to stand up and follow. I fought that and didn't move. I mean, I've spent time with peers at school and friends' family members with Down's Syndrome or mild Autism but what did I really know about it all? What in the world could I do to help?
Cut paper plates, hot glue Noah's arks together and wash paintbrushes.
That's what I could do to help, it turns out.
Yesterday, as they were being dismissed I felt that urge to get up again. I told God (ha, told... noticed that huh?), I said, "I don't know what to do down there! What if they don't want my help? What if I do something wrong? I'm not equipped for this." I CLEARLY at that point heard the words, "Go. Obey. You don't have to know because I do." and the words of Joshua 1:9 came to mind. So I jumped outta my seat and took off. Which is normal for me but usually I'm running out of the church having a panic attack or feeling sick! This time, I felt on fire!!!
I'm glad I obeyed. I was blessed.
I was nervous for a few minutes, just not knowing how to help or what to do. I never felt afraid, just a little nervous that I didn't know how to help. So I observed. I mean, each wonderful person in that class is different with different needs, different talents, different personalities and different ways to soothe themselves and be calmed. I wanted to see their personalities.
Boy, did I! I'm just gonna be straight up real right here- if this young man with cerebral palsy is in church learning about God, praising him with song and painting... what's our excuse? If this beautiful and bright young boy with autism isn't afraid to get up in front of his church family and "Ta-Da!" show off his awareness shirt and help his mother speak about the ministry... what's our excuse?

I've NEVER felt more like I was sitting at Jesus' feet than I did as I sat on my knees at a small table hot gluing paper plate "arks" to beautifully painted cardboard waters. I felt like Martha and Mary met. It was all I could do to hold the tears in until I made it out to my truck in the parking lot. I was sobbing before my daughter and I pulled out on to the highway. The fullness I felt was overwhelming.

If you ever feel God telling you to do something, just do it. It might not make any sense to you or to anyone else. This weekend has been proof to me that the "rules", the "what-if's", the "I-can'ts" are useless wastes of breath. If HE says do it, you better do it. His rewards are too great for words to describe. :)

I was found guilty.... (FTSF Blog Hop)

Decided to jump in for the first time at the Finish The Sentence Friday Blog Hop. I'm loving that I'm finding link-ups and blog hops, not so much to just try to get my blog out there but because I'm finding *awesome* ladies to learn from and filling up my bloglovin' feed pretty quickly!

I was found guilty of... impatience.
I painted my nails today and immediately smudged them.
I've said, "hurry up!" to my daughter more times than I should have lately
I'm lonely and ready to date (with intention) and having a hard time "waiting". (although Cupid's arrow might be hitting me)
I watch the pot til it boils.
I always open the microwave door before it beeps.



Join the fun at:

Happy Valentines Day!

Ya know, or not. This is that one day every year that husbands and boyfriends either forget or stress over, wives and girlfriends fantasize about and singles, well, we either coat it in sarcasm and bitterness or eat a ton of chocolate and cry. Am I nailing it so far? ;)
Since I fall in that singles category this year*, I'm deciding that it is not Valentine's Day for me at all. I shall celebrate Single's Awareness Day today. **
*(maybe not for long- just sayin', there might or might not be a prospect, hahaha)
**(not with bitterness, sarcasm, tears or sugar binges, however.)

In January, I kinda half-participated (meaning I totally got sad, bitter and off track some days, cuz, ya know, I'm real) in the 31 Days of Prayer for Your Future Husband. I prayed for whoever he was to have good days at work, resist temptations, have a closer walk with Jesus. I prayed for his health and happiness. It was kinda neat to change my mindset from "finding someone to date" to "praying for the man I will spend my life with". I felt selfishness and discontentment start to melt. I would definitely recommend any single woman do this.

So, that's kinda how I decided to do S.A.D. today. I'm gonna spend at least a few minutes every hour praying for that lucky guy who gets to stand beside me one day. He's gonna need prayers. ;)




I shared this post on:

Here Comes The Sun....

... little darlin', it's alright. Yeah, I might have that song stuck in my head today. Ice storm came through yesterday and it's melting quickly now and rather beautiful outside.
I had gotten to the point I felt sick with dread right before it came due to the media saying it was going to be "historic and catastrophic". Finally decided I was prepared enough for the worst and I needed to just turn the news off. Guess what? It's been fine. I've seen on facebook that some of my friends have lost power for awhile but I think they are all pretty much safe at home, food to eat and warm enough. How blessed are we that this didn't get as bad as it could have?!
So, while it might seem funny that between my prayers yesterday (Joshua 1:9, Philippians 4:6-7) and thanking God for His promises being true, the Beatles' song "Here Comes The Sun" kept popping in my head, I decided to run with it.
                                               

Everything might be scary and have you frozen in fear for a moment but if you just hang on, little darlin', it's alright, here comes the sun!





This post shared on Thought Provoking Thursday.

Grace Unplugged Giveaway & Other Things Catching My Eye Today

I'm iced in. I still have power, thankfully, but it's already gone off briefly once. Because of that, I'm not going to do a regular post today. I'm going to do something a little different. ;)
I'm spending some time today catching up on new posts on the blogs I follow, finding new blogs to follow, maybe working on some new designs for this blog and just relaxing a little.
I'm going to update this post when I find something just super awesome that I have to share, so check back here throughout the day just in case I've found something else you gotta see!




Right off the bat, here's a sweet giveaway on Legacy of a Writer. Katie has done a review on the movie Grace Unplugged and is running a giveaway for a free DVD.

This giveaway is running until February 24th and there are several ways she has set up for you to enter.

Even if you aren't interested in the giveaway or the movie, I encourage you to go check out her blog right quick and look through some of her other reviews and posts to see if there's something she's covered you might be interested in. She does fabulous and honest reviews.









Jessica over on Words of a SAHM posted about a 30 day free trial for Agnitus.

You're gonna wanna check that out if you've got little kiddos and a tablet.

Aaaand if not, check her blog out anyways and see if there's anything that is helpful to you. Jessica is pretty awesome if I do say so myself. I just recently found her blog while looking for old friends from a message board I used to go on years ago. Glad I found her!



Check back later in case I find more that I want to share!



ETA: just an hour later, I've found more share-worthy reads!

Finding a few new blogs that fit my interests by exploring the similar blogs option on bloglovin' and checking out the blogs that the bloggers I already follow follow. Ha, follow follow. Yeah, it's one of those days.

Here's one I just found.
Blogging- With A Little Help From My Friends.
(p.s. there are two giveaways going on in that post!) How could I not want to click on a Beatles reference?! I'm perusing the rest of her recent posts as I type this and I'm digging her blog.







Over on Writing for Christ is a giveaway for Jill Eileen Smith's new book Rachel (Wives of the Patriarchs). This is my first knowledge of the series and I'm totally adding those to my wishlist! (If ya wanna help my chances in the giveaway, you can enter through this link  http://prmo.me/aEudgf)

I started following Casey's blog a few weeks ago and she has wonderful content. Make sure to look at some of her posts from January.

Top Ten Tuesday - Ten Ways You Can Help A Depressed Friend

A couple weeks ago I shared a post about ten things NOT to say to a depressed friend. This is a part two to that post. Please remember, I'm not a professional of any sorts- just a girl who has been there and this is only my opinion.

1. Casually invite them (no pressure) to do low-key activities with you. Make sure you let them know you understand if they aren't up to it but that you would enjoy their company and want them to come along.
2. Be positive around them but not obnoxious. Keep your disposition sunny, not fake. Share good things happening around you both. Point out gently good things that are going on in both of your lives.
3. Create a crafty gift for them. Pick up a paintbrush or a pen and put your heart into a gift for them. This could have a two-fold effect. In crafting a gift for them you are letting them know how special they are to you and also possibly inspiring your friend to try to create something as well!
4. Make sure they are taking care of their health. Be interested in what they are doing for themselves. Don't "mother-smother" your friend but you can offer a healthy meal or watch for signs of unhealthy habits forming.
5. Offer your arms. Hugs are powerful, 'nuff said.
6. Educate yourself! If you've never experienced severe depression, anxiety or other crippling emotional/mental distress- do your research. Read other's accounts of how they felt, ask questions and just generally try to get an understanding.
7. Take care of yourself. Do not let your own health become endangered for worrying about or taking care of your loved one. If you get yourself down into the same place, you will no longer be able to be a support for them. Be supportive, be present, be prayerful- but also be mindful of your own needs.
8. Encouraging words not condescending words. "You are not alone. I'm here for you. Can I pray with you? We will get through this minute by minute, day by day, together. You are important to me. Your life is important."
9. Suggest a check-up with their regular doctor if they haven't yet. Sometimes it can be scary to people to admit they need help and seek a mental health professional. If they have a good relationship with their general practice doctor, they may feel more comfortable starting there. Offer to go to appointments with them if you can.
10. Be patient. Do not give up!

Keep in mind the signs that things have gotten to a more desperate point and watch for suicidal warning signs. Make sure you report these to a professional or to authorities if you feel the threat is there.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Lifting It Up and Letting It Go

Philippians 4:6-7 says that I shouldn't hold on to these things that are bringing me fear and discomfort. I shouldn't hold on to them and cling to them like a dirty security blanket. I need to lift them up to Him, while thanking Him for the blessings and answered prayers I've been given already. I need to keep my mind set on His strength, not mine.

There is no greater spiritual comfort than the confidence that God is near, not only to hear my cry for help but also that He is able to provide help and strength. He wants us to rest in His true peace.

I'm finding more desire and need to spend time in what I call "air mail". Tying these things bogging me down to big balloons and letting them go up to Him. 

Corrie Ten Boom put it this way: “If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. If you look at God you'll be at rest.”

Are you needing rest? Look to Him and send your fears and frets His way, rest in His peace and comfort and focus on His will. Have a blessed and beautiful day!

I Won Something!

I don't win things. I just don't. I've never been the "lucky name drawn" or the one who gets the door prizes. That's why I never play lottery! ;)
I entered a giveaway recently on the beautiful Rebecca's blog- The Plus Side of Me - and I won! I actually won! Prize? A beautiful (and expensive!) blouse of my choice from the Foxcroft Collection.
I've never ordered from them before (not in a single-mom-with-no-income-budget) so I was unsure what size to choose. Apparently, I could have gone ahead with a 20. I ordered 22 concerned about it being fitted and button-up but... well, you'll see.
The shirt is ridiculously comfortable and soft. I'd sleep in it if it wasn't an $80 dollar shirt. (I'm just sayin' this might be the most expensive piece of fabric I've ever worn besides my wedding dresses so if you see me out in this don't you dare come spill anything near me!!!)
I'm short, so the 3/4 sleeves pass as long sleeves on me but I dig it.
Thank you so much Rebecca for having the giveaway! <3

Five MORE Blogs I'm Following... And Why You Should, Too!

In an earlier post I linked to five blogs I'm following and enjoy reading and told you why I thought you should check them out as well. This would be part two to that post. ;)
You can see the first post here.

1. My Weight Loss Bucket List - I just found Jen's blog a few days ago and I love her honesty and positive attitude! If you are struggling with weight problems or trying to lose weight also, she's definitely got a simple, straightforward and honest way of writing you can relate to.
2. Daily Musings - Another one I just found in the last couple days. Carrie's post today (3 Questions to Move Us Out of the Drive-Thru Church) hit me good and hard in my heart. Really needed that. Have browsed through a few posts and this is definitely great reading for any Christian woman!
3. Hope in the Healing - Still, yet another I just found. So much inspiration, I couldn't EVEN begin to describe so just, seriously, go look. 
4. The Plus Side of Me - Rebecca kinda rocks. Not just because I won a giveaway on her blog the other day, either (even though I'm totally stoked about that and will probably be sharing a pic tomorrow of my new prized possession, ya know, when I feel like putting some makeup on!). Plus size gal? Yep, you'll probably love her posts. She's beautiful and rocks plus size fashion!
5. Embracing Him - Yep, another I just discovered! Actually spotted Andrea on twitter first when I (oops!) missed what was going to be my first twitter chat experience with Christian Mommy Blogger and decided to check out the tweets I'd missed. Embracing Him is an AWESOME blog and resource for Christian women and moms. 

Thanks for taking the time to check these super ladies' blogs out. ;)  I really enjoy their work and I hope you do, too!

This post shared at Fellowship Fridays!

Inspiring Individuals - Mike Ratliff

Y'all just know my eyes are crying but my heart is smiling as I type this post.
This dude right here, Mike Ratliff, he's got a calling on his life.
God's gonna use him for a really cool purpose, I can just feel it.

Let me tell y'all how I met Mike. He's Michael to me. I called him "the real Slim Shady" when we were kids but that's not who he is. He was part of a group of guys I started running with as a teenager when I was taking my own "turn in the wrong direction". I always knew he was different from some of the other "guys runnin' the street" and saw his heart. Now, he sees it and is sharing it with the world.

He's been there. He's come through drugs, alcohol, prison... where you think nobody understands or could reach... he's been there. He's faced those adversities and is overcoming them. He's got a message. It's already starting to touch lives. His messages are able to relate to and touch the people who refuse to listen to ministers, who refuse to walk into churches.

Here is his most recent (and most personal) video. I know this one was hard for him but it's the most real thing I've seen in a while.




You can see his other videos on his youtube channel, BleedOutT.v.
\SNAKES IN THE GRASS and Frog Named Fred are my other favorites.
You can also follow his facebook page for Bleed Out T.V.

I Need To Play The Background

I really need to take a step back here and consider my purpose and the purpose of this blog. I had the right idea a few weeks ago but I'm finding it easy to slip and try to simply emulate trends and other bloggers to boost traffic and that's not my goal. Just shows how quickly things can get off track if you ain't watchin' your step. I don't wanna totally lose my footing I'm establishing here so I'm having to spend some time in prayer over where I need to go with this blog and what my purpose is.

I realized today that my addictive personality can be dangerous even to this day. I promised I'd be delivering posts to you "squarely" and to me, that means being totally candid and including everything even if I don't wanna and being totally authentic, not leaving anything out. I gotta be real and admit that over the course of a week, combing through other blogs, reading articles on SEO, traffic analyzing and promotion have cut hard into my prayer and devotion time.

That's not gonna work. How am I going to keep my life and this blog heading in the right direction if I ain't letting God guide me?

Hit me hard this morning when I was trying to work out and LeCrae's song Background was playing. Here's some of the lyrics:

"It's evident You run the show, so let me back down. You take the leading role, and I'll play the background. I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines. I'm sticking to Your script, and I'm reading all Your signs. I don't need my name in lights. I don't need a starring role.And why gain the whole wide world, if I'm just gon' lose my soul."
"So let me fall back and stop giving my suggestions. Cause when I follow my obsessions I end up confessing that I'm not that impressive, matter of fact I'm who I are. A trail of star dust leading to the Superstar."
"So I don't want to take the lead. Cause I'm prone to make mistakes. All these folks that follow me gon' end up in the wrong place. So, just let me shadow You, and just let me trace Your lines. Matter of fact just take my pen. Here, You create my rhymes. Cause if I do this by myself I'm scared that I'll succeed. And no longer trust in You, cause I only trust in me. And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction. Paving a road to nowhere. Pour your life out for nothing. You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand. Me, I just roll to trust You, You cause the dice to land. I'm in control of nothing. Follow You at any cost. Some call it sovereign will, all I know is You the boss."

I guess you could consider this a continuance to "Transparent Tuesday". I'll call it "What's Real Wednesday". ;)

Transparent Tuesday 2/4/14 Lazy Day

There is a new trend popping up on social media that makes me nervous and makes me smile at the same time.
#transparenttuesday

Admit it. You're not going to post pictures of yourself that don't show you looking just the way you want or pictures of your house untidy on a regular basis. We want people to see a certain image. We've all done it. Shared the adorable picture of our kid with an icecream cone but left out where it ended up in your floorboard making your car smell like spoiled milk for months. We've shared pictures of our cute nail designs but left out the picture of them bare and possibly bitten or snagged.

Enter Transparent Tuesday. Where what you see is what you get. No filters, no lies, no frills. It's you being you, squarely for what you are. Fits perfect with the name of my blog, so ofcourse I have to jump on this wagon. I'm not brave enough to do this every single Tuesday. There's my first transparency. I'm going to plan on doing this maybe the first Tuesday of every month.

So here I am in all my bedhead glory as I lay on my bed with my laptop typing this. No makeup, no filters, no hairbrush, not even a real smile because I'm not gonna be fake about it. I'm not sad but I'm not all grins today either.

It's almost time to get my kid off the bus and I'm still in jammie pants. Eeyore jammie pants at that. They are almost a decade old and are insanely baggy on me now but I just can't part with them.

Those are my wigs, just slung on the over-the-door hooks. I had great plans to shampoo them and my makeup brushes yesterday but it just didn't happen.

I snagged two of my nails last night. Tried to just file them down a little but ended up making a mess of them. This is even more nerve-wrecking to post because of my weird little pinky.



So there. It's a rainy day, I slept in, I've fixed lunch for my mom and I and typed this. That's it. No excuses, no regrets, either.

I challenge you to do the same! Let me know if you get brave and blog a Transparent Tuesday, post on FB or Tweet your day.

I joined a linky party here.

Start Here

"With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere." – C.S. Lewis

True that, yo. Seriously, from the beginning of time (note: beginning.) everything has had to have a beginning. Some beginnings didn't have good endings. Some beginnings had torturous journeys through but a fabulous ending. Still, some beginnings are still beginning!

What are you feeling called to begin? A journey, a good habit, lay down a bad habit, start a business, start a ministry, a friendship, a relationship, a book, a project, a to-do list ten pages long or a pile of laundry rivaling Mt. Everest? 

Deposit the why-you-can't-right-now's here. Drop them slowly and walk away.

Pick up the why-you-can-right now's here. Okay, now hold tight. You're not alone.

*breathe*

Don't you dare let those "can'ts" come back.

Wash, rinse and repeat process daily, hourly, or minute by minute if necessary.

Keep Your Eye On The Prize

I'm easily distracted and even more easily addicted. No reason to tap dance around it. I'm one of those people that just has an addictive personality. That can be a wonderful thing when I'm in the Word and focused on God's direction for me but on the flip side it can be disastrous when I even start to lose focus.
I know I'm not alone in that.
In this day and age we have so many things going on around us at any given time it's a wonder some of us can even get our shoes on the right feet without being distracted. With that being said, we can often float through hours, days, weeks and then months without realizing how out of focus God has become in our lives.
Colossians 3:2 says to set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth. If you're anything like me and a big chunk of the rest of us, you read that and felt a warm-fuzzy, sent a quick "thank ya Jesus!" up and then the dog barked. The phone rang. The sippy cup needs to be refilled. Facebook notification, "ding!", microwave beeping, your name being called from down the hall... you know how it goes.

Basically, what I'm getting at is this question:

Does life look more like this:

or does it look more like this?:

I'm just being straight-up real in admitting that mine looks less like the second image than the first. At least a lot less like it than it should, in my humble opinion ;) I would imagine some of you are agreeing.

I've got to get my focus back in order.

Psalm 119:36-37 reminds me of what I need to be praying right now. That I would turn my eyes to His statutes, not towards selfish gain. That I would turn my eyes away from worthless things.

I'm gonna drown out the noise and focus on those words for a while and I pray you will be able to, also, if you're in the same boat as me right now.



I'm happy to have shared the link to this post on Fellowship Fridays!

Five Questions Friday 1/31/14

I asked readers and friends to send some questions my way this week that they'd like to see me answer on my blog. I was surprised with the outcome of that. I suppose that I expected 1. more questions, 2. more intense or "strange" questions, or 3. to be completely ignored. Ha!
I did get a few questions (thanks Chelle, Debbie, and my friends on a Christian forum!) and I'm gonna go ahead and answer those below. Feel free to shoot more my way for the next round, probably at the end of the upcoming month (which will be awfully close to my birthday!) by way of the form on my contact page, twitter, facebook or in the comments. :)

1. Who is one of your favorite authors?
I have a hard time pinning down one favorite as I am all over the board with the genres of books I read but I can honestly say I fell in love with Neta Jackson's style of writing and her characters in the Yada Yada Prayer Group series. I have the other series she wrote on my wishlist now.

2. What is one of your favorite Bible verses?
Equally hard to pin down but I can share one that I am clinging to right now. Romans 8:28 (God works all things for His purpose of good for those who love Him and have been called for His purpose!)

3. What are your favorite colors?
Black (slimming! goes with everything!), gray shades and pink/purple shades.

4. What inspired you to blog?
I want to be transparent, authentic, an open book so that maybe, just maybe, someone will identify with something I've gone through or am going through and I can share a little bit of hope or insight with them. I can only type so many characters into a tweet or facebook status and it only makes it around my network of friends usually, so I decided to step it up.

5. What is your dream job and why?
I briefly (very briefly!) wanted to be a teacher when I was little. That quickly gave way to my ultimate dream of being a mommy and wife full-time. I've always wanted to be a homemaker. My mom was a stay-at-home-mom and I always knew she was there waiting for me after school with a hug and a snack. I want the same for my daughter. Aside from that, writing has always been on my heart.

Three Things Thursday - Three Books I'm Reading Right Now

Yay! It's time for my first "Three Things" post!
I'm seriously having a blast blogging, y'all. I don't know why I've drug my feet on starting this until now.

Okay, so I'm one of those readers that usually has more than one book going on at a time. Often I have two to four books with bookmarks in them in various places of the house. Sometimes one in the living room, one by my bed, one going on the nook and often something I just cannot put down following me every where I go.
Currently I have one in the living room that I pick up when I'm sitting in there, one by my bed that I'm taking my time going through and taking it bite by bite and one I am starting today and have a feeling it won't leave my hands for long until it's done.



1. The Power of Right Believing, by Joseph Prince came to me by what some might call accident or shipping error but I believe it was something bigger than that. My dad and I had ordered a copy of a David Jeremiah book and the supplier sent this instead. We could have sent it back but just ordered the other book again and kept this one because I just had a feeling it was meant to come.

I'm at the end of chapter one in this one. It's my living room book. Keeping it out there in case someone else wants to pick it up and get some encouragement from it as well. So far, it's good. I'll let you know what I think in a Bookie Boogie review post when I'm done. ;)

2. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot is one I'm creeping through slowly and carefully. I'm trying to make sure I digest every little piece of wisdom that comes from this one. This book made it's way to me from my Pastor and came with some extra advice and wisdom from him. ;)  

I know, I know, everyone who knows me is all "Huh?" right now because you're thinking, "Um, Sarah... you're divorcing not getting married.". See, the thing is, I've GOT to figure out my own issues. If I carry bricks from the past into the future I'm going to build the same house. I really do want to be married again, to a Godly man this time, to have a partner to grow old and serve the Lord with. This book is helping me identify some issues I have that need to be dealt with right first.

3. Unglued, by Lysa Terkeurst is the one I'm diving into today and have a feeling I won't be putting down until it's done. This was a Christmas present from my mom that she bought from my CBD wishlist. She's kinda cool like that. ;) 

I'm pretty excited about it. 

So there's my list. I'd love to hear about what you're reading right now! Comment!

Linked here:

and here.